Real Talk: Why I Decided to Try Celibacy and What I Miss Most

Anyone who has ever embarked on that crazy world called dating (which, these days, is mostly Netflixing and chilling), knows that it is a scary place out there. Even my married friends look on with the deepest pity and say things like, “If I had to date right now, I would literally kill myself.”

Despite these hopeful words of inspiration, I push forward, seeing what the great, big world has to offer me: a single mom of three who is building a massive empire and has no time for things like “what’s your favorite color?”

And the prospect of starting over time and again just doesn’t seem inviting.

But, I came to this realization, largely from going on a few dates and looking at my past relationships, that I may need to take a time out. I decided to try celibacy for a while.

Now, let me make something clear. I had an AMAZING sex life. I had found someone who had helped me to achieve a full body orgasm and each time that we slept together, it was nothing short of mind-blowing. Every. Single. Time.

But, the release, after the ecstatic screams quieted, after we floated back down to Earth, I realized that good sex did not make for an intimate relationship, one where you wanted to settle down, spend countless hours together, build a life together.

But, being completely transparent, I do miss the sex. I miss the eyes that we made at each other over dinner. The “you-have-no-idea-what-I-want-to-do-to-you-right-now-but-I’m-gonna-wait-til-later” look. The booty grabs when we walk past each other. The squishiness of his manhood when he’s empty. Being completely blissful and refreshed, basking in the afterglow of a hearty romp. Good times.

I really do want all that. And real affection. I want all that and random “wyd?” texts. I want all that and a delivery man at my door with my favorite meal because he knows that I’ll probably forget to eat lunch.

I want the sex AND the intimacy. But, I’ve been so caught up in this “wam-bam-thank-you-ma’am” culture that I’ve never really given myself the chance to first know myself well enough to even know what I truly want and then patiently wait to first get to know someone, date them, and then decide if they are worth a commitment, worth sharing the most intimate parts of my body.

So, I am celibate. I don’t have a specific time frame that I plan to remain celibate, but for the first time in my life, I finally know what I want and I’m going to hold out for a hero.