Insane Things I Do Before And During My Period That Make Me Feel Better About Life

I’m not always proud of the way I handle my period. Realistically, what woman is? I’ve had this unwanted visit from the crime scene in my pants for nearly two decades now and in that time, I’ve tried some pretty atrocious shit to alleviate the hell that goes down in my uterus- I’ve got handling the dragon down to an art. Periods are never glamourous, but I hate to let it take me down and ruin my life for those few days it shows up. For that reason, I do some insane things to make myself feel better about life.

I watch a shit ton of tear jerkers to flush the PMS crying fits out of me. I used to be embarrassed about my emotional PMS crying fits, but now I embrace them head on. Crying is extremely healthy and instead of allowing myself to lose my shit in situations I shouldn’t, I sort of force the emotions out of me by watching or reading things that touch something in my overly hormonal heart. Call me crazy, but it actually feels really fucking great to cry sometimes, right?

I listen to ridiculous love songs. I call it my “PMS Playlist” and it’s basically anything and everything that touches my demonic soul that forces me to find an ounce of happiness again. Music is my number one go to during excessive hormonal period raging- it tames the dragon better than any Midol ever could.

I let myself eat like a castaway and then pep talk myself to combat my diet regrets. I give myself full permission to eat like I’ve just come out of a coma in the Sahara Desert. Diets are hard, and they’re infinitely harder when your body is screaming at you to eat everything in sight. I used to get down on myself for allowing delicious foods enter my mouth, until I realized that depriving myself only made my symptoms and irritability that much worse. I don’t go off on a full bender, I eat some healthy stuff in between, but I won’t say no to pizza of a cupcake if I know it will make me feel relieved from the stress of my body.

I masturbate like fucking crazy. Did you know that masturbating actually relieves menstrual cramps? Having an orgasm (or multiple orgasms in my case) help to ease the pain and contractions in the uterus. It might not be full relief, but it diminishes things pretty effectively. Plus, who doesn’t love an orgasm?

I force workouts in, even if I’m crying and cursing the entire time. I work-out pretty consistently as it is, but when shark week arrives, by body feels extreme fatigue at times. Some days, I don’t even want to get out of bed. I’d rather sloth in between my blankets for days on end, only opening my front door for the delivery guy. But alas, I’m an adult and because I have adult shit to do, I force myself to stay healthy. I throw mini tantrums with myself in the process, but even something as simple as a brisk walk or a bike ride helps not only to relieve those cramps, but it also helps with offsetting all those extra calories I’m putting into my body.

I have a “period wardrobe.” Bloating is the actual worst part for me about my period. Every woman’s body bloats differently, and for myself, I put on a solid 5-7 lbs in water weight. There’s nothing worse than being on your period and feeling like shit about your body. Dressing myself is challenging. So, I’ve assigned specific outfits in my closet as “period outfits.” The lightest and most flowy clothing I own are front and center when I’m in full bloat. If I’m going to brave real life with a baby alligator thrashing around my insides, I’m going to make sure I feel and look my best while doing it.

I do “period meditations.” Believe it or not, but these are an actual thing. YouTube is full of serene and guided meditations to help take your mind and pain away from your menstrual cramping. Don’t knock it until you try it. Everything helps.

I prepare for the bloodshed as if I’m going to war. Basically, when my calendar reminds me that hell in my underwear is on its way, I prepare my battle ground with all of the above and go in with the attitude that I’m going to war. Periods are annoying AF, and no woman loves to experience this shit every single month, but I do whatever I can to make it through. Whatever helps me to feel better about life is always completely worth it.