How to Talk to Your Partner When Your PMS is Raging

As much as we women hate to admit it, talking to our partners during our demonic lady times is a challenge. We can’t always blame our shitty attitudes on the hormones, though. Eventually, we need to become accountable and try to lessen the tone and vulgarity that can often be erroneously released from our mouths.

Instead of picking a useless and losing battle, when you feel the PMS frustrations kick in and you’re trying to effectively communicate with your partner, try to remember these things:

Take a step back and a moment to process. Things can seem a lot worse than they actually are in your own mind because the hormones are essentially raising your voice for you. Something your partner does, or fails to do will strike your nerves harder when you’re experiencing the hormonal weight of your lady time. Instead of reacting instantly, take a step back or do a quick count to 20 to process and rationalize what’s happening. Is your partner purposely trying to antagonize you, or are your hormones playing tricks on you? It’s usually the latter.

Write down what you want to say first. I know this seems like an elementary school tactic, but it actually works and is especially useful for those of us ladies who really struggle with taming our hormones and saying things we wildly regret later. If your partner is pissing you off for whatever reason, write down what you would say to them first before flying off the rails. Then, read it back to yourself. Often you’ll probably shake your own head at what you were thinking, because most of the time it’s an overreaction.

Ask your partner permission to finish a heated conversation later when you’ve both calmed down. If you can’t avoid the initial blowout, try to at least stop yourself mid-tiff to take an opportunity for the both of you to collect your thoughts and calm yourselves down. Think of it as a court recess— sometimes we need that break to come back with some more clarity.

If things get really bad monthly, create a playful warning sign. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a playful warning sign or use safe words to signal to your partner that things are starting to head towards a sensitive territory. This is something that’s best discussed and established before the hormones take over. For example, make reference to an inside joke the two of you have together to ease the tension in an argument. It’s really the small things that make a huge difference to avoid escalating minor disagreements into unnecessary catastrophes.

Write down the things that bother you and then talk about them when you’re less emotional. If you notice a pattern or trend of things that your partner keeps doing that upset you around your time of the month, jot them down and make notes on them and then discuss them once the tides have smoothed back over (after your period has ended). When your emotions are all out of whack, and you’re letting smaller things upset you on larger scales, it’s sometimes helpful to have an outside perspective as well. Writing things down will help you take an outside look at things after your period has ended. Believe it or not, sometimes you are the best outside perspective in matters of your own personal anger and emotions. Looking at the situation again from a sounder mind will help you see things differently and perhaps even from your partner’s point of view.

Take some time to yourself. It’s perfectly okay for you to take some time to yourself and get your rest and zen-time in when things are feeling extra feisty inside. Communicating with your partner when your PMS is raging isn’t going to be easy because your partner is often around for all of your worst moments, but it doesn’t have to be a battlefield each time. Retreat and get your favorite comforts close; this will help alleviate any stress you might be feeling.

If all else fails, try, try again. If all else fails and you don’t get it right this cycle, there’s always the next one. It’s not going to happen overnight, but with a little work, you’ll get there. The most important thing to know is that you’re not the only one who faces this problem in your relationship during shark week and many women face the same struggle with their partners. As long as you’re both patient, keep working towards it and take a few helpful hints from this guide, you’ll be braving periods together without any issues other than who’s ordering the pizza this time— at least that’s the hope!