Girl Talk: How to Handle the Changes Life is Throwing at You

Dear emerging woman,

Life is changing quickly for you. The things that may have once kept you supercharged and excited may not be doing it for you anymore. That’s ok. That’s life.

Your friends might be growing in different directions that you. That’s life, too.

Life just keeps on getting more and more interesting (read: ranging from horrible mishaps to happy surprises). But there are a few key things that you should know and remember as you try to make sense of your changing body, feelings, and world.

You come first.

Let’s get this out of the way right up front. We were born with a natural survival instinct. But, often times, the nurturing instinct in women, coupled with a nudging along by society, will trick you into bypassing your own needs for those of others. Don’t do this. Now, I’m not talking about pushing over children to get out of an apartment fire or anything, but something as simple as being OK with having to tell someone that you simply can’t be there for them when you have things that are important to you to take care of goes a long way in building up who you are and how you feel about yourself. The beauty of this is that YOU get to decide what this means for you. Isn’t that amazing?

You are wonderful.

Yes, you may have flaws. We all do. I wish that my nose didn’t look like a pickle, but it does. So, I just accept it, make fun of it, but I also know that I am beautiful. I also now understand that no one else looks at my nose the way that I do. Except for my brother. But, little brothers are such jerks that I’m sure he picked up on my insecurity some years ago and just used it as his sure-fire way to get under my skin. Every. Single. Time. When you look in the mirror, see your beauty. Don’t just zero in on what you don’t like or wish that you could change about yourself. Don’t get me wrong; goal setting and growth are always great, so if you have an issue with your weight, for example, setting eating and fitness goals can definitely help. But, I really want to stress to you, dear sister, that you have to learn to love and appreciate the you that you are today. Today, you are wonderful. Tomorrow, you will be more wonderful.

Hold onto your bliss.

In all likelihood, you might be trying to figure out what this is for you. Often times, we get so busy trying to juggle new responsibilities, unexpected surprises, and simply get through each day in one piece that finding that thing which makes you smile so hard that your cheeks hurt, puts fire in your belly, and makes your knees knock can fall onto the backburner. Warning: do not look for another person to fill this need for you. I have seen so many women, myself included, fall victim to this. Making another person responsible for your happiness is a huge burden on that person. If and when someone does not meet the mark, you unknowingly set yourself up for heartbreak. Sometimes, we break our own hearts by setting unreasonable expectations.

Looking back, I guess these are all things that I wish that I could tell the younger version of myself. But, who knows if I would have listened because I was just so headstrong, yet easily swayed by the opinions that I thought that others held of me rather than just knowing that I am amazing first and that all of my talents, skills, and qualities were icing on an already scrumptious cake.

You are the wedding cake of cakes. Own it. Everything else will fall into place. Trust me.